Empire Down (First verse of a rap song)

[CadaverGrey]

Just sharing you abit of info about what I do apart from Neo

I am an avid keystylist, song writer and producer, that kinda semi dwells in the hip hop scene in Singapore. However, my brand of writing and performing is known to be a little different from what people might term as "hip hop".

Anyway, just thought I share with you something I recently wrote. It's a song that is yet to be recorded, but I thought I showed you the first verse of the first draft, cos I this part of the forum really interest me more than you might think :

Here lies the fable. Not of Caine and Able.
Not about the crossing of the alps liken to Hannibal.
Not about the hell voids, nor about the heavenly doors
Not about the fall of angels to a place called nevermore.
It's a tale about a nation of gods.Yes!
Divine master race adored and abhored.
Lords of heaven and space, and earth's crust and core
Who dictates what takes place, and what had happened before.
In a place where time created a race, made
To take over the throne of the continentals.
A bloodline, that stretches beyond the ages
Beyond the pages, embedded in the Holy Bible
Now that the intro to the fable is served
Like a gourmet on the table, a verse
Garnished with flamboyant words
It's time to drop the second verse from a higher level
With lyricals through the vision of another man...

Pre-CHORUS

"My fury quakes my soul," he said.
"To reap what our silence has sowed," he said.
"Till the last of my breath I vow,
"To see the last of an empire down..."

CHORUS

In the age of the heartless,
I wage war with the gutless!
And I will rage till the day that I'm bloodless!
EMPIRE DOWN!
EMPIRE DOWN!

[kalnjak]

Kinda reminds me of Linkin Park - now there was a good hip-hop band.

*dances*

[sexysilver]

Wow, I'm really a fan of the lyrics themselves. I like all the clever allusions- they were really impressive !!!

My only comment is to my ear there's not one flow that connects the whole piece together. Then again- I don't rap so it might be there I just don't see it.... but as far as I can see, you start out with a flow on the first line and lose it thereafter.

Anywho, I really liked the subject.. the subject itself rocked.. well rapped.. or something

[CadaverGrey]

Well, the flow is there. Trust me, it sounds better in audio, lol

Anyway, thank you!